Make Me Laugh Today 😂

Weather complaints → Accepting that it’s impossible to find a day that's just 'fine' → Because everyone’s weather is either too hot, too cold, or just right for someone else.

This weekend, I'm gonna do nothing! I've got the couch, pizza, and my cat—basically my personal Avengers team. Who needs a weekend plan when you've got a Netflix subscription and a furball?

Chappell Self-Help: Going to a self-help seminar → Everyone’s pretending to be super positive. Everyone → 'Think positive!' You → 'I'm thinking so hard about how this will never work, it might just…'

You ever notice how at the grocery store, you always see the same people buying organic everything? I'm over here with my boxed macaroni and cheap wine, and they're like, 'Do you want to try some quinoa? It's from a local farm.' I'm like, 'No, I want to try some weed. It's from a local farm too.'

Flying is like playing a game of Russian roulette with your sanity. One minute you're chilling in economy, the next you're trying to figure out if the peanuts actually help with altitude sickness.

I gave my Uber driver a tip and now I have to tip the pizza guy when he delivers to my house. It's like a never-ending cycle of generosity until you realize you're just subsidizing everyone's salary.

I'm on a sleep cleanse; I only sleep when I absolutely have to. But now, my dreams are more intense than my waking life. Last night, I dreamt I was late for a meeting with a sleep-deprived unicorn.

I joined a fitness app. It’s like having a personal trainer and a guilt trip combined. The only exercise I’m good at is avoiding the app.

I was sleeping, and I dreamt I was doing push-ups. When I woke up, I realized that's exactly what I did—except I did it in my sleep and still haven’t moved.

Trying to stay neutral in office gossip is like trying to stay dry in a rainstorm; eventually, you're just drenched in everyone's drama

We all know that ‘having a great time’ photo is just a carefully curated 10-second clip of smiling, while someone is crying in the next frame.

I can't tell if people are friends or frenemies anymore. We're all liking each other's posts to pretend we care, while secretly plotting our social media coups.

I was able to successfully bring up UDP packet loss vs. TCP-based communication in a completely non-technical conversation that was going off-track.

I find it hilarious that Vin Diesel, known for his blockbuster movies where he speaks rarely, released a track titled Feel Like I Do.

It's interesting how some social networking apps act like children, always craving your attention especially when you ignore them.

Due to social distancing and lockdown during COVID, I went for a drive to get my daily workout, sun, and fresh air in. I can get used to these workouts.

Had a great run in the morning today. Was able to peak at the right times, perfect stride, broke my PR rate, and waved to all the onlookers cheering for me. Best of all, I was sleeping throughout it. Woke up and was dehydrated, so had some electrolyte-charged water and went back to sleep. Overall a great experience and would highly recommend it.

How many push-ups can you do in a row? -1 since I only do pull-ups.